Tag Archives: parenting

Speaking Perfectly

In the comments to my most recent post, Delays in Multiple Languges Bernicy said:

sometimes I think we are going overboard with making our children speak perfectly. All these speech therapies for so many children just because they have a bit of problem saying some sentences or pronouncing some words. So what if the child isn’t speaking perfectly or doesn’t know the proper grammar? As long as the child gets his point across I think it is great. Afterall, many adults can’t speak properly either but that doesn’t mean they can’t make a good living or be productive; it just means they won’t be great public speakers. They can still communicate their meanings across one way or another and I think that’s good enough and important enough. The problem is that people do not communicate; not not speaking perfectly while trying to communicate.

“So what if a child isn’t speaking perfectly or doesn’t know the proper grammar?” The issue isn’t speaking perfectly, in fact far from it. This is not finishing school to polish off a diamond, it is making a round wheel out of a square one.

“The problem is that people do not communicate”. Imagine how frustrating when you DO communicate, and your mom doesn’t understand you half the time, your daycare workers understand you perhaps 10 percent of the time, and have to guess from your single word utterances exactly WHAT you are trying to say about that topic, and your grandparents and neighbors understand you none of the time. Imagine when you talk on the phone, your mom has to take the other line and translate everything you say, even when you are coming up on five years old and speaking the same language as the person you are trying to talk to.

Now imagine that you don’t pronounce half of every word, and leave out all verb tenses, possessives, articles etc. And then imagine how well you will do in school in the next couple of years. Sounding out letters in a word when you never say those sounds. Trying to write when you can’t speak a sentence. Trying to do show and tell in class, or participate in a discussion when you answer in single words and not sentences.

I’d rather catch up when it is still games and silliness to work on what he is severely behind on than when he is old enough to realize how much better the other kids speak at school, how behind he is in language skills and failing in his classes, teased by other kids. (and yes, it is learning delays, as he has had ample opportunity to hear and use the languages… 18 month olds speak more fluently than he does).

I agree that it is ridiculous to expect preschoolers to speak perfectly, to enunciate like eight year olds, to give speeches as though they were theatre majors. But I also think it is good parenting to be concerned when a child is a year or more behind in language skills and not catching up despite tons of stimulation. Language skills are the basis of all literacy and literacy is the basis of all schooling. I have done volunteer work with adults who lacked literacy and it is disheartening how handicapped they are in their personal, social and professional lives, often being confused by simple things like written rules at their child’s school or negotiating a lease, and being blocked from employment they would enjoy, stuck in manual dead end jobs.

It is easier to catch learning and developmental problems in toddlers and preschoolers than try to do remedial work when a child is school age, or worse, adult. They learn faster, they have less emotional baggage because of it, and fewer bad habits (ie it is harder to get a child to revise a word they have been saying badly for several years than it is to get that child to say a new word that has the same difficult sounds). And you are avoiding all the academic problems which will stem from it if you can deal with it pre school-entry. That gives me less than six months for Big Boy. And he will be going to school in French, not his stronger English, so he is confused by basic directions, negative sentences etc on TOP of his regular speech delays.

And frankly, when three separate speech therapists, none of whom have a financial stake in evaluating him as needing services since the child will be treated elsewhere, evaluate a child as severely delayed, it is sticking one’s head in the sand to think said child is “doing just fine”.

So, thanks for the lack of concern, but I would rather a congratulations for early diagnosis and actively seeking timely intervention.

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Welcome to Big Boy and Xiao Chien!

Hello! I have FINALLY gotten around to starting a blog about raising my son French and Mandarin Chinese as well as English. And throwing in product reviews, doggy thoughts, musings and rants as well.

I am a 40something single mom living in Quebec, Canada. I am self-employed in the arts, work from home, and have always wanted to be a mother. I adopted my son, who is now four years old, two years ago just before his second birthday. He was adopted through the SN (Special Needs) program in China, whereby children with minor correctible medical needs are given forever homes.

I am anglophone, and living in a francophone community, but I wish to maintain my son’s Chinese heritage, and part of that is giving him access to the language. I began learning mandarin during the long pre-adoption wait, and my interest only increased when I met him and learned he could indeed understand and respond to my very bad and limited chinese.

At this point, he speaks English as his first language, goes to daycare (garderie) 2-3 days a week in French as well as it being the dominant language in our neighborhood, and we try to do some Chinese learning daily. It is an uphill battle, now that he has been home from China for so long, and says “No Chinese, mommy! No talk French! Talk English!” but it is a battle I am willing to wage in all sorts of wiley ways.

This blog will be a place to address the issues of bilingualism or trilingualism, language learning, as well as just regular parenting and kid stuff. Throw in our Saint Bernard, and hopefully we’ll have more than enough to talk about.

Please feel free to subscribe, and especially to leave comments and suggestions. We’d love to hear from you.

And yes, Big Boy is my son, who is adamant that is what he is now.

And Xiao Chien is our Saint… a tongue in cheek mix of mandarin (xiao=small) and french (chien=dog)… in mandarin they often say “xiao gou” (shee-ow go) for dog… which is a big ironic considering our dog is about 115 lbs! (so : shee-ow shee-en)

Welcome to Big Boy and Xiao Chien!

Zai jian! Au revoir! See you again soon!